Relationship Glue has proved to be the most popular ezine this year! (Missed it? Click here!) Why did it generate so many comments, bookings and enquiries? Well perhaps because relationships are at the heart of humanity.
After the ezine, I sent a slate heart to several clients I've worked, to acknowledge how much I appreciate their business. Yes in old-school money I spent 12 shillings on a lumpy parcel (a term coined by my speaker buddy Winston Marsh) to tell these clients how much I love working with them. Many replied by mail, texts, messages and some even sent pictures!
People Don't Care How Much You Know
The outcome of this activity is a feeling of happiness, of feeling appreciated, of feeling important. And at the end of the day isn't that what life is all about? Feelings... You know people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. And your actions speak louder than your words.
One client, Ann said, "How do I get my husband to buy me flowers or chocolates? In all the years we've been married he hasn't bought either more than a couple of times!" Seeing as her husband buys most of the groceries using a list she provides, I suggested she add both items to the shopping list! However this practical solution does rather defeat the spontaneous surprise element. Somehow it just doesn't feel right does it? And there we are right back to feelings.
Perhaps if Ann makes her husband feel special then he might, just might, buy her flowers. However this could be a slow process. She will have to keep investing in their relationship with no ulterior motive. If her partner feels it is the right thing to do, he will buy an unsolicited treat. And FYI Ann, Jay seldom buys me flowers either!
Feelings Help You To Survive
Feelings evolved for the purpose of alerting us to threats. We scan our environment for dangers and opportunities. We get a constant mental report about the state of our world through our feelings. These give us a quick assessment. Is this good or bad for me? Feelings motivate you to take the appropriate action. If you can harness the positive your feelings, then you can reason with yourself to decide how to boost both your relationships.
You know positive thinking doesn't mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life's horrid moments or "life attacks". Positive thinking means that you approach unpleasant, difficult or sad moments with resilience. You programme your mind to think the best is going to happen. And this week I reckon Jay will buy me chocolates :)