The Confidence Coach TCI - Talk Confidence International - delivers tips, exclusive stories & links to popular articles, blogs & multimedia. Emailed direct to your inbox every fortnight.

Ezine SIGN-UP Full Name Email Address Enter Word Verification in box below

Ditch your Doubts

Eilidh Milnes 

Eilidh-ism: 'Problems are opportunities in work clothes.'
"Eilidh-ism: a spark of positive wisdom, which often makes you smile and always warms your heart..." Dr Geraldine Masson.

Chris called, "I have a big favour to ask, Eilidh. You know we're travelling together to the conference in Holland..." "Yes," I reply with slight hesitation. "Well," he continued,"I need to go direct to work in Johannesburg; can you drive my car back to UK?" "Of course I will," I hear myself saying...  Husband Jay looked quizzical as I hung up the phone. "What have you agreed to do?" he asked? And when I told him he went very quiet if not a little pale. You see I have not driven on the continent for a very long time; even in UK these days Jay does most of the driving.

Have you ever agreed to help someone or to do something and then panicked? Can I? As nagging doubts start to creep in, you see problems. At this point you either give in, or you consciously decide to recall previous times when you have been successful. Time to ditch those doubts. And you need to do everything to make the task as easy, simple and safe as possible. Jay did much of the preparation; he programmed the navigator, printed maps (I don't read maps...) printed instructions. He told me, "If you get lost, call me." Jay has an amazing brain apparently powered by GPS.

The conference was outstanding, I met the most incredible, inspiring people - see more on Facebook. It was a true privilege to address fellow professional speakers. View footage here. I made so many new friends and if all our plans work out we'll be speaking and globe trotting together in future years. One of the highlights was the Gala Dinner with speaker Tim Gard. During the meal, I was chatting to Doug De Vitre and heard myself spontaneously saying, "You are going to Rotterdam? Me too, I can give you a lift Doug..."

Now remember,

• I have not driven alone on the continent for three decades,
• I am responsible for my colleague's car,
• I only have directions to Europort.

Never mind I tell myself, you have the navigator. You can do it! And so the time comes to check out from Hotel Ter Duin Did I forget to mention Doug is American, does not know where he is going and can't read maps either? Never mind I remind myself, you have the navigator. Stay with me, it gets better...

The navi did not work! Each time I switched it on, it was recalculating! "Do a U turn," the gadget bleated, "Take the next exit, turn left and then head north for 500 metres then go west..." Now I don't do directions and I certainly can't tell east from west! So what do you do in such times? Well I don't know what Doug's version of this tale will be, but as I recall we just went for it! We set off. The delightful Judith Moonen had said, "Head for Den Haag." We did. Then we went off piste and had an adventure, stopping at fuel station to get directions to Doug's destination and believe it or not - we arrived in perfect time for his appointment.

What can you learn from such situations?

• Even very confident people can question their abilities,
• Preparation and planning counters doubts,
• Ask for help - from experts, people with experience and use out of the box thinking (such as asking a stranger.)
  

I am glad to report that I am now safely back at my desk. How do I feel? Well rather pleased with myself actually, happy that I could help a friend and a fellow speaker on his travels. I am already planning my next trip, confident that I can overcome whatever may go awry! I'd love to hear your 'doubt ditching' stories and of course if I can help you in any way just ask.

Want to post on social networks? Links are at the top of page.

Discover more:
What Eilidh does.
Proven coaching satisfaction.
Mentoring duo
The information in TCI may be freely re-used in any online or offline publication, provided it is accompanied by the following credit line - "This information was written by Eilidh Milnes. It originally appeared in "Talk Confidence International" her free e-letter, available at www.eilidhmilnes.com." Thank you.

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

You can't shortcut a short cut...

Eilidh Milnes 

TCI - Talk Confidence International                
Time to read: 442 words       
Eilidh-ism: 'Shortcuts are great... till they slow you down.' Eilidh-ism: a spark of positive wisdom, which often makes you smile and always warms your heart..." Dr Geraldine Masson.

The feedback or "feed-forward" from the last TCI fell into three categories:
Group 1: People who really enjoyed the Ted Talk.
Group 2: People who requested practical help with their careers - if that includes you, read on the previous post.
Group 3. People who shared interesting links, sent emails of thanks and encouragement.

An example from Group 1 is Liz Hills of the Nationwide Building Society. Liz emailed me to say, "Loved the TedTalk from Mark Bezos. In fact, I am going to use it with the team in the next two weeks. Thank you Eilidh."

Group 2 includes Lubkha Naydenova of Thomson Reuters who said, "I have added you to my LinkedIn contacts and "liked" your Facebook page. Your notes on online presence on the forum are eye-opening. I will definitely be utilising some of the advice. I am very glad to be in your circle of acquaintances!"

In the 3rd group is a loyal follower, Lisanne Schloss of Morgan Stanley who said, "Just love your notes, really uplifting!" She has kindly shared another link too, so enjoy this new TCI weblink thanks to her.

"This is so worth the 20 minutes to watch to the end! Brene Brown studies human connection - our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share..." Lisanne.

Those who have a sense of worthiness have a strong sense of love and belonging; believing they are worthy of love and belonging. Those that don't have a sense or worthiness, fear the are not worthy of connection. Worthy people have a strong sense of courage (including the courage to be imperfect), compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others, connection as a result of authenticity (willing to let of of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are). Worthy people fully embrace vulnerability. They believe what makes them vulnerable, makes them beautiful...

Take time to sit down and view the video. Carol Clarke has already emailed to endorse it, "I watched the Brene Brown video and was very impressed by her and her work.  Amazing.  Thanks for sharing Eilidh." If you wish to send this information with friends or share social media, you'll find all the clever clicks at the top of the page. Enjoy!

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

LinkedIn - A networking shortcut

Eilidh Milnes 

A Networking Shortcut...

Do you use LinkedIn? Many people do, in fact over 100 million professionals all over the world use it. However, few people have actually managed to win work or gain employment with it and that is not because LinkedIn does not work. It is because LinkedIn is a shortcut and you cannot shortcut a short cut! In my opinion, poor profiles are the problem and these are mainly due to ignorance and laziness. Would you like some tips from someone, who is still learning about social media yet on the way has earned money using sassy social networking?


Follow my simple keys to unlock the exceptional power of LinkedIn. These steps will take you less than 10 minutes per day, or 45 minutes a week. In return, your effort will generate you clients, work opportunities and friendships. Like most things the secret is consistency. Read more...



Key 1

Complete your profile. 
Make sure you add a strap line. You have 120 characters, so make use of them. Your professional headline will help you to be found in searches. It also communicates the value you bring to your clients and to future employers.  If you look at many people's professional headline, they are still using the one, which LinkedIn selected for them... Regional Director at Blah Blah Bank... Senior Partner at Blah Blah Solicitors. Be creative. Do research. Box clever.
Summarise your headline with a combination of: 

• What you do,
• The value you bring to your clients or potential employers,
• Keywords which someone searching for a person like you might type into Google,
• And allow for that fact that non-humans will crawl over your profile searching out clever key words... make sure this search criteria is used in your profile,
• You need an enhanced phrase, much more than just a job title.

Fill in your summary section - give yourself this competitive edge because many people do not take time to do so. Ignoring the your summary is a wasted opportunity to really sell yourself and your unique offering.



Connect with the people you meet when you are networking - both face-to-face and online - via LinkedIn. Ask to connect with people on LinkedIn prior to an event; will the organisers give you the attendee list in advance? If not, can they suggest a couple of good contacts for you? Take the initiative and make an initial approach with these people.  Request to link up with the businesses you want to meet at the event; this makes your networking more effective and profitable. Remember to link with event organisers too. Apply the same polite approach and etiquette on social networking sites, that you would use off-line.

I used this strategy before my last speaking tour in Australia. As a result I had created a rapport with many of the delegates before my engagements. I maintain friendships and dialogues with many of them. If you are in business for the long haul (as I am) developing and nurturing relationships is vital.

Your next steps are to join the right groups and learn how to serve the groups to the benefit of all... and these tips will follow as future keys. So keep checking back on the Confidence Report.

It is vital you start with Key 1 right now, without a good headline the rest is pointless. Once you have worked up your profile you need to visit it weekly to tweak it and keep it fresh. If you would like me to review your text, give me a ring and we take a look online together.

Remember, you cannot short cut a short cut and it makes eminent sense to develop your profile in your own time. Bit like a bank loan - better applied for, before you really need it...

Let's join on LinkedIn

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Where there's a hero... there is hope.

Eilidh Milnes 

TCI - Talk Confidence International                                 Time to read: 476 words       
The Confidence Report for previous editions                   Eilidhism: Children should live with champions and heroes. '          Eilidhism: a spark of positive wisdom, which often makes you smile and always warms your heart... Dr Geraldine Masson'

We're only in the first quarter of 2011, yet already the year has seen devastation and distress from earthquakes and tsunamis to war and conflict.  Still above it all, the Japanese display a stoicism that is inspirational; regardless of the disasters that rage about them. There is no looting, no violence and no complaints. In fact,  quite the reverse, read about the teacher who saved 42 students. Japan suffers in silence. How can this be?

“Japanese people,” said one observer, “are like passengers on a cruise ship. They know that they are stuck with the same people around them for the foreseeable future, so they are polite, and behave in ways that don’t make enemies, and keep everything on a friendly and gracious basis.” Read More. You have to admire this cultural trait, although to many western people it is bewildering.

Equally baffling are actions of heroes. What is the difference between a hero and say... a celebrity? What are the characteristics of a hero? Is one definition of a hero - anyone who can show courage when faced with a problem or crisis? In my opinion, real heroes simply do what they have to do, often with most of their actions going under the radar. They look in the mirror with humility. True Heroes seldom seek recognition; they have resilience; take for example the Fukushima Fifty.  They are being rightly edified as nuclear samurai; their sacrifice is ultimate.

When I met with Paul Colman from the Chamber of Commerce recently, he mentioned a video which is this TCI's web-link. It's another Ted Talk. (You know I love Ted Talks!) This time it is a life lesson from volunteer firefighter, Mark Bezos.  Do you think firefighters are heroes? Would you willingly walk into a burning building? Listen to the 4 minute clip and see if you agree with Mark's call to action?

• Get into this game of life on an individual basis,
  
• Be there to help make a difference in someone's life,
• Don't wait, take the opportunity to effect the life of just one person today!
  

Why? Because children should live with champions and heroes. Let's face it, we all need someone to look up to, admire, aspire to be - for where there is a hero... there is hope.

And, as Mark Bezos says...
Save the shoes!
Eilidh

Read more:
What Eilidh does.
Proven coaching satisfaction.
Mentoring duo
The information in TCI may be freely re-used in any online or offline publication, provided it is accompanied by the following credit line - "This information was written by Eilidh Milnes. It originally appeared in "Talk Confidence International" her free e-letter, available at www.eilidhmilnes.com." Thank you.

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Keep on... keeping on!

Eilidh Milnes 

Perseverance is the ability to keep going and never give up; assuming of course that you are heading in the right direction in the first place. So if you make that assumption, take a moment or two to grade your 'stick-ability.' How do you rate yourself (on a scale of 1 to 5) on your willingness to persevere?

I've chosen the verb 'willing' as opposed to 'not able' because when your tasks get really tough it's a will of steel that is needed. When you experience a setback or failure or it is vital to remember that this is just one moment in time. If you feel overwhelmed you need to believe that your affairs and circumstances will change. Your perseverance is essential to keep you from giving up or seeing yourself in a bad light.

As you move forward discover your purpose in life and pursue your goals and dreams, you will inevitably spend more and more time doing what you love and do best. An 'Eilidhism' says, 'Work for pleasure, not money...' Expect the best, aim high even you are low, as your attitude in the key!
And this may be infuriating if you hate your job or do not find it satisfying or enjoyable. When emotions such as anger flood over you, again your attitude and perseverance are vital if you are to keep on track and focused. At such times, you may need a touch of what I call 'brain washing' and take time to reflect on your feelings. If you feel annoyed, why is that? Attitude at the end of the day is a matter of choice - yours! Instead of experiencing pent up anger you could channel it to bolster your determination and keep on keeping on.

I remember years ago, when my husband Jay went to work to do a job that did not fulfill him. He did it for one reason and one reason only - to put bread on the table for his family. This is likely a familiar tale in these tough times and I'm sure it will resonate with many readers. Well despite Jay's lack of enthusiasm for his poorly paid position, which recognised neither him nor his skills; he seldom complained. Instead he focused on doing the very best job he could every day; while he chased the life he dreamed of. Ultimately that plan paid off and paid off big time and you can read about that on the link above.

As John C Maxwell said, 'Do something you hate every day, just for the practice.'

Having coached many clients to success, it seems to me that action and attitude play a vital part. Successful people keep moving, they make mistakes and they move on - they do not quit - and neither should you.

Read More...

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

30 seconds - the clock's ticking...

Eilidh Milnes 

Time to read: 469 words

Do you know that first seconds you meet with a client could determine whether or not you go on to do business together? This means you only have about the time it takes to ride in an elevator to grab someone's attention - or lose it! So whatever you do in the first half a minute can be decisive.

Research shows that lasting impressions can be made in as little as 2 seconds. Read More on Confident Image. A confident business image doesn’t mean you need an Armani suit to bring in more business (although to be honest, it wouldn’t hurt.) What the designer suit does is differentiate you from your competitors and others in your industry. It makes you stand out from the crowd. It gives you an extra confidence boost.

Before the days of the super-fast IT highway, it was accepted that it took approximately 7 seconds to make a first impression. Nowadays it is believed that you have only a 3 to 5 second window. And if you don't have a second chance to make a first impression it is vital that you get it right.

In addition, be on time, speak clearly, establish eye-contact, dress appropriately and be relaxed. More on presentation tips here.
How you dress and speak will make just as much impact - or possibly even more - than the actual content of your pitch, self introduction or elevator talk. Download my Random Rules of Business Dress.

Consider these points:

• How do you sound on the phone? Are you happy, upbeat and smiling?
• Your voicemail message... Is it personalised, short and effective?
• Exactly how do you greet people at meetings or other events? Make it about them, not about you.

But where should you start? With small talk, the weather or the headline news? By talking about you? No! Keep your focus on the other person. Introduce yourself quickly and get to the point. You could start with, "I help people to..." and tell the person what you do framed in those terms.

Do not overwhelm people with too much information. Ask the your prospect interesting questions such as:

1. “What business problem does your company solve?”
2. “What is the best example you have of how you are doing that?”
3. “What has been the biggest win for you/your company in the last six months?"

Your key objective is to arouse interest. If you do that job well, the person you are talking to will respond by saying something along the lines of, "That sounds interesting, tell me more..." And at this stage, that is all you require.

Read more on this Confidence Forum topic.

If you would like one-to-one coaching or to discuss this further, drop me a line a or call me on the numbers listed in the site banner. Thank you. Look forward to hearing from you...

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Hands up for Happiness!

Eilidh Milnes 

Eilidh-ism: 'Dare to be different! *Eilidh-ism: a spark of positive wisdom, which often makes you smile and always warms your heart....' Dr Geraldine Masson.

If you have ever attended an event, bought a book or picked up a newspaper just because the title was unusual, then you'll agree - catchy tag lines work. Disaster headlines grab attention too but for all the wrong reasons. Twitter alerted me to the devastation that has unfolded in Japan, and right now our thoughts and prayers must be with people in the country that is hardly recognisable as the 'Land of the Rising Sun...'

As a speaker, being clever with words is it part of your job description and 'Hands-up for happiness' is a new talk I'm working on for the NSPCC next month. Let's hope the snappy title helps to sell more tickets for the charity. Phil Dobbie of BNET shared a link to an article by Steve Tobak, in which Steve explores Apple's 'Think Different.' The Apple mindset isn’t just a tag line; it captures and reinforces company’s unique cult-like culture, the way the Apple  operates from top to bottom. He lists ten points on the Apple link and three in particular caught my attention:

1. Empower the difference,
2. Love and cherish your creatives,
3. Keep doing what works.

How many of the ten steps is your company following? And what about YOUInc? Would it help to take a slice of Apple's advice and act differently? If you need guidelines, give me a call.

And how's this for an unusual book title? "Who Ordered this Truckload of Dung?" by Ajahn Brahm. It's is cracking read with a sub-title of 'Inspiring Stories for Welcoming Life's Difficulties,' which gives you a bit more of a clue as to its content. Read Chris Davidson's book review.  

The Last TCI entitled 'Your CV sales doc' prompted lots of emails, calls and comments. Thank you it's always encouraging to get feedback. Read more.  This edition's TCI weblink is Typography animation. You'll hear 'upspeak' - words used differently yet again - the result of a class a poem, a project by Taylor Mali. Enjoy Ronnie Bruce's audio.

Over the years my business has been built by loyal friends and clients, which makes me think of a recent meeting at O2. The company has what I'd call a big fat hairy goal -  to achieve 1 million fans by the end of 2012 - that's different thinking! Consider how O2 engaged with its Facebook fan base last week: 'On 10 March 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call, talking for less than a minute. On 10 March 2011, O2 customers will talk for more than 150 million minutes. Who are you going to call tonight?' Isn't this clever? I now 'like' O2 posts, leave comments and even respond to their texts. Why? Because O2 gives me a great service package, buys back my phone at a sensible price and even unlocks my old iPhone for free.  And then to top it all the company sends me chocolates! No wonder I am an avid fan! O2 has a fab fan focus and I'll do my bit to help. I'd love to know whose fan club you belong to. What makes you a fan? Tell your story and we'll give them a shout out.

Want to post this on social media sites or mail to a friend? You'll find quick links at the top of this page. I appreciate all referrals. And if you need my help, just put your hand up!

Be positively different!

Follow me on Facebook for unmissable offers, exclusive tips, news and events and see The Red Rhino in action! 

 
Read more:
Free Chapter 1  Book & Bundle - Confidence 7 Keys to Your Happiness
What Eilidh does.
Proven coaching satisfaction.

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Your CV Sales Document

Eilidh Milnes 

TCI - Talk Confidence International - It's a sales doc.                  
Eilidh-ism: Preparation and planning promise perfect performance.
"Eilidh-ism: a spark of positive wisdom, which often makes you smile and always warms your heart..." Dr Geraldine Masson
 
"Maybe study some obscure language, you don’t need to be fluent in it, just start to study it and add it... that'll get you noticed!” a cv tip shared by Peta Payne of IWE - International Women of Excellence. Quirky isn't it? Just a tad different... And thanks to your feedback this edition of TCI focuses on cvs (resumes.)

Can you apply being different to your cv and tailor it to each job application? Many clients protest saying, "Eilidh, I don’t have time to craft my cv." "Do you really want that job or promotion?" is my reply. The best time to work on your cv is when you are not in the job market; when you have time to be clever without a deadline.

I had the pleasure of meeting Kate Grussing of Sapphire Partners at the first Women on the Wharf event on Monday. Kate shared this advice, "I often tell women to add a photograph to their cv. It helps clients to remember them and makes them stand out in the minds of the recruiter." This pic tip works for men too! Customizing your cv doesn’t have to be an arduous time-stealer either. You'll find eight points for writing a great cv here. Use them to raise your visibility. These are particular to positions in countries where English is the first language. There are different rules if you apply for a job in say Germany, where the emphasis would be more on qualifications.

Barbara Robertson of Diamonds HR Ltd says, "Being different in a cv can be a two-edged sword.  My NLP training suggests that you want to create rapport with the other person as well as give them the facts and what makes you such a good match to their opportunity.  Who will read your cv?  If a manager/boss who may be older or in a traditional company - stay safe and make your cv more conventional i.e. be different but not wacky.   If for a younger person or  in a creative company, you can afford to swing out and show your creative side. Either way, your cv is your sales document. Its only purpose is to secure you the interview – do what will achieve that.  If you want to include a large file, a video, presentation or suchlike, maybe link to it rather than attach it.”

Another great way of getting noticed is to get into print. Media coverage raises your public profile. Dr Debby Swallow and I are working on an exciting new book when confidence meets culture.

• Do you have a story to share?
• An observation to make?
• Or a question relating to cultural matters?

If so, please get in touch. We are currently interviewing people and gathering case studies for inclusion in the book.

Want to post this on social media sites or mail to a friend? You'll find quick links above. Thank you, over the years my business has been built on referral. And remember if I can help you in anyway - just ask.

TCI Web link: Essentially this TCI has been about the power words, enjoy more on language on this Ted Talk; shared by a reader who knows a thing or two about creating a great profile, Lisanne Schloss of Morgan Stanley.

Follow me on Facebook for unmissable offers, exclusive tips, news and events and see The Red Rhino in action! 

 
Read more:
Free Chapter 1  Book & Bundle - Confidence 7 Keys to Your Happiness
What Eilidh does.
Proven coaching satisfaction.

Comments (5) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Woman of Quota?

Eilidh Milnes 

Lord Davies report, ‘Women on Boards’ and the panels was published yesterday.
Business Secretary Vince Cable said: “ We will seriously consider the recommendations,” and Theresa May Home Secretary and Minister for Women and Equality agreed.

In my opinion quotas are a good idea in theory and a step in the right direction; however do you run the risk appointments being made primarily on grounds of gender rather than on merit. How would you feel if you thought that you had been appointed as a ‘woman of quota’ rather than as a 'woman of ability?'

In my experience as a coach, more women suffer from a lack of self-confidence than do men. Low self-confidence can hamper women’s career progression in several ways. Women are less likely than men to make speculative job applications for posts for which they do not consider themselves fully qualified; self-confidence is also a major factor when it comes to salary negotiation. Women are more likely than men to be averse to self-promotion, which also impacts negatively on promotion and pay.

Encouraging women who hold senior management positions to move into board-level positions is viewed as a crucial part of the global drive to improve equality between men and women.  That said, there are a great many reasons why women do not arrive in the board room. The five issues listed below are common to many women and these barriers will not be removed by simply creating a quota:

1. Women lack quality mentors,
2. Women lack, do not understand and do not seek sponsorship,
3. Women are not as well connected and networked as men,
4. Women still face complex and powerful stereotypes in the business world and male-dominated industries,
5. Last but by no means least  - Women bear the brunt childcare responsibilities.

Quotas acknowledge the problem, it is up to each individual woman to be part of a lasting solution.

Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

It all starts with confidence...

Eilidh Milnes 

It all starts with confidence... we all have it, we all lose it ... we all want it...

Loss of confidence stops you from achieving your goals, finding happiness and leading a less stressed life. And in the case of promotion is it the number one essential ingredient. Yes of course it helps if you have a support team both at home and a sponsor with gravitas at work. If you are woman it is doubly difficult. Read More on sponsorship.
Carmen Watson, managing director of Pertemps said, a sea change is needed in the UK business culture to support womens' routes into the boardroom, rather than just a specified amount of female presence.

“Although women make up half of the population and more than half of university graduates, they remain woefully under-represented at board level,” she stated.

However when it comes down to it, you need that magical self confidence quality. This week Lord Davies’ report on the women in the board room is published; and I’ll be revisiting and digging deep into this topic then. In the meantime, ask yourself:

1. How different would your life be if you had more confidence?  
2. How much more would you achieve?
3. How much is it to do with government targets/quotas?

Is it not more to do with you and your own targets; and then having a strategy to succeed? Read more in “Confidence the Keys to your Happiness” where you will learn 7 easy steps to nurture your confidence and realise your full potential.

Raising your confidence will improve your quality of life. Having a healthy self esteem does make it much easier for you to achieve your goals whether that's in terms of your career, your relationships or even just being happier about life in general. 

Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink