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Words Fail... See Pictures

Eilidh Milnes 

 

 

It's said a picture portrays a thousand words and looking at the video clip above, you'll see how I've been feeling recently. As a girl who speaks for a living it's not often that I'm lost for words however, this month has been a challenge on several fronts. On a number of occasions I've been at a loss to know what to say. I can hear you chucking, yes... me! Clients, family and colleagues have confounded me at times. Does this sound familiar to you? Most people are stunned to silence at some point - even a professional speaker.

People don't do things against you - they just do things for themselves...

If you experience feelings of dismay or disbelief, it's important to remember that people seldom go out of their way to upset you personally. They're much more likely to be following their own personal interests. Let me expand with this driving scenario; if a car pulls out in front of you, don't be tempted to shout out, gesticulate and think; "Why did he (or she) do that to me?" Let's face it, the motorist did not linger in that side road and pull out at precisely the moment you drove by! The driver was just acting on his (or her) own behalf. Watch what people do as opposed to what they say when you are confused by situations. Actions do speak louder than words.

Don't Give People Permission To Upset You! (Read more)

During my time as the external trainer for Cheshire Police, I delivered hundreds of "How to Deal with Difficult People" workshops. Want to know the top takeaway? This picture says it all - and more.

Just for fun

Another powerful picture is this one of disbelief.

Why versus what

If you don't know why you do what you do, then take 15 minutes to watch this Ted Talk footage, in which Simon Sinek explains his Golden Circle Theory; i.e. that people don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it. Listen out at 13.03 as Sinek supports my theory. He has a different analogy to prove that people do things for themselves.

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The Happiness Jar - Train your Brain

Eilidh Milnes 

  I don't give you permission to upset me today!

What do you say when you talk to yourself? What does your self esteem sound like? Do you monitor your self-talk? If I were to step inside your head would I hear?

• Well done!
• Excellent!
• Great job!

Nagging Negative Nellie

Or would I find you talking yourself down with limiting self-beliefs? How do you fancy starting your day with encouraging positive statements such as:

• "Hello gorgeous!" 
• "Today is going to go really well!"
• "I'm great at my job!"
• "People really appreciate what I do!"
• "I look to praise others."
  

Your Happiness Jar

Some clients find the idea of happiness jar helpful. The concept? Each time you say something upbeat aloud, drop an object into the jar. Once you have a number of items (such as buttons, marbles or coins) shake it! Find out what your self esteem sounds like. Use the jingly jar to reinforce positive statements. Learn to protect yourself from the negativity that will undoubtedly ambush you throughout the day. Many people will try to kill your happy spirit. And when they do, either physically or virtually, shake your jar!

Don't Give Them Permission To Upset You!

Your self esteem is armour and it likes to shine. So be your own cheerleader; your own best friend. Look for allies to bolster your self-image. Don't let the condemnation, criticism and complaints of others silence the small voice in your head which is telling you that you're a winner. Do this for the next 21 days - you'll begin to see a difference.

The backstory
In a similar way, I used to encourage my students. I asked them to be "good finders." Looking for the good around them. They would:

1. Write it down a positive statement about a classmate,
2. Place this comments in the "Happiness Jar!" (sometimes called the "Star Jar,")
   
3. Each day, we'd select three cards to read out loud.

The pupils loved the independent praise of their peers.The comments were many and varied and highlighted acts of kindness and friendship not just academic success.This simple activity developed an atmosphere of cooperation between pupils, staff and parents.

As for Business...

Check out how Derek Williams of The Wow Awards transfers this concept and develops the idea of "spotting people doing things really well" in organisations and companies. The outcome? More happy and productive workplaces delivery outstanding customer service.

Just for fun: 

These three links depict Ants  Crabs Penguins. Decide if you identify with any of them - it's team-work with a difference. Enjoy!

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Watch your language...

Eilidh Milnes 

The Power of Attraction!

For over twenty years I’ve been working with clients. And one thing is for sure; if you want to get on the right side of someone, learn to speak his or her "language". This fact applies to sales, customer care and personal relationships. Now at the same time as I was starting my first business back in 1992, Dr Gary Chapman was publishing similar observations and findings in his book, The Five Love Languages.  Since then, the book has sold over five million copies and is regularly on the New York Times bestseller list. It's been translated into more than forty languages.

Communicating that you care

After many years of partner counselling, therapist Dr. Chapman observed how, without even realising it themselves, his patients used a specific "love language" to express their love. Five key categories proved to be universal and comprehensive. I studied his methods and results. It intrigued me that my family all had different preferences and not surprisingly when I started to communicate with them in their preferred way, relationships improved and deepened.

Receiving gifts

Some people only feel loved when they receive a gift. But it’s not about the gift itself. It’s the thought and effort behind it that makes them flourish. In this love language, a missed birthday or anniversary is disastrous. Of course we probably like many of these "languages". The magic is in spotting your predominant one.

Words of affirmation

If this is your key love language words speak louder than actions. Your spirit soars when you hear unsolicited compliments or those three magic words “I love you.” Without them, you may feel taken for granted or – even worse – neglected or ignored.

Quality time

Giving someone your full and undivided attention may be the way to this person’s heart. Turn off the TV, put down your knife and fork. Look into your partner’s eyes, really listen and forget about all the many items on your to-do list. In the vocabulary of this language, distraction, postponements or not listening can be particularly hurtful.

Acts of service

Want to win your way into this woman’s heart? Anything you do to lighten her burden of responsibilities translates into “I love you,” whether that’s picking up the kids from school or cooking dinner or washing the windows. Laziness, broken commitments and creating additional work translate into, “Your feelings don’t matter to me.”

Physical touch

Not surprisingly, a person whose primary language is physical touch is likely to be very touchy themselves. A spontaneous hug or thoughtful pat speaks excitement, concern, care ... and love. It took me aback to realise my 6'2" muscular, rugger playing son was off the chart on physical touch. He loves nothing better than a family group hug.

Read more here and pick up the link to the book. I wonder what love languages your close family and friends prefer. Take time to find out. Develop a magnetic personality. See Key Five in my book, "Confidence, the Seven Keys to your Happiness."

Thank you for all your feedback

Lots of you mail me after each edition of TCI. Your words of encouragement mean a lot - many thanks indeed. Now in case you missed it last time, check out 3 Plus - Women worth Knowing an exclusive story that stopped the clock.

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